Thursday, December 13, 2012

This Girl is on Fire

I am on Fire because I am on my second day of my second round chemo.
I had the most wonderful breakfast this morning. Waffles, hash browns, sausage and eggs from Ye Olde Waffle Shoppee. It was pretty much the best.
Can't think about food. Getting nauseous. Damn nausea because half the time I'm starving and can't eat because eating makes me throw up.
(Which is did 4 times yesterday...) 
But I am doing so so sooooo much better. I am in a bigger room that has an actual window. My other, tiny, crappy, awful room had a window that showed me another beautiful, sexy, grey, concrete building. What a thrill to look at.
But I love my new room because it is big and I can walk more and I have better view of the slight hills of Chapel Hill. But there is color and more variety to look at and it is all just more pleasurable.
I need funny YouTube videos. I need to laugh. There are videos that do that but I need way more than I have.
So, I'm thinking that because I have all this time, I can learn all these things. I'm learning to knit and there are several older people at my church. Some of them know how to needlepoint and I'm thinking, 'Why not learn to needlepoint? It gives me something to do and it's needlepoint...
I do miss dancing though. Just moving my body. When I get home, (if I ever do get home...) I will slowly start to move my body because I think that's what I need. Just feeling the rush from the music and feeling it pulse through my body.
I wish that the new James Bond movie was on Netflix because I love that movie. Or at least the theme song. Or maybe it's Daniel Craig that I love... It's amazing. Judi Dench was awesome as always. Great, wonderful movie that I want to see again!!
Best video ever.

Tuesday, December 4, 2012

Just sitting

A lot can happen when you have cancer. You eat less and smells makes you nausea and you kinda go crazy after a little while.
But for some strange reason, I have been trying to find calm. I have noticed when my back hurts and I advocate for my self and ask for meds.
Sure, I don't want to be here when I'm supposed to be at home. Sure, I want to back to Switzerland. But life isn't about wishing something can happen. I have to take reins and steer my own path.
I am so lucky to be here because all the doctors and nurses are super super awesome. They want me to get better so much.
 I took a shower yesterday. I soaped off all the sweat and tiredness and everything that was bad. I put on a new pair of non-sweating pj's and so much deodorant that I felt like a different person. The pink in my hair came out but I'll put some more in later.
I've been thinking a lot about Switzerland last summer. It was really kept me going because my grandparents offered to buy me tickets to go to back next summer. I almost cried because to go to the place the I love alone with my grandparents is unbelievable.
So I advice that everyone count their blessings, find peace through breathing and enjoy life's little moments.

Wednesday, November 28, 2012


I came home yesterday afternoon from the hospital. I love my room. I love how calm it is. I love how clean but good clean it is. I love how nurses don't come it every 30 seconds. I swear, I saw half a million people before 10:30.
I'm at home, watching TV and reading People magazine. It has been a good day for the most part.
The things I really don't like about having cancer is all the damn fluids I have to take and all the pills. Meds make me crazy because I feel like I'm always getting them and fluids just make me feel yucky inside.
I hurt. A lot. Especially my belly and my back. It sucks. But I need to put on a smile and power through this because its only gonna last about 5-6 months. It seems like a while but it is only 5-6 months.

Sunday, November 25, 2012

This little story about a big thing called cancer

I am 14. I have lived a long time because a lot can happen in 14 years, 9 months and 4 days. My life has have it's ups and downs but nothing like this because this is a different up and a way bigger down.
People, I have cancer. It is a challenge that I am taking day by day. I can't think about whats gonna happen tomorrow because then I forget about today and living today as best as I can. Don't worry, my cancer isn't serious. They aren't even quite sure of what type of cancer I have.
I will live today. I will reflect on yesterday and ask only questions about tomorrow.
This all happen so fast. I'll tell you my cancer story so far.
So it was Monday, 11-12 and I had no school. But I did have a doctor's appointment. My belly is normally small, flat and average looking. But the last couple of weeks, my stomach has become distended and became bigger, which puzzled them but they let it go. When I went to the doctor on Monday, they said that there was definitely something in there that needs to be checked out. So on Tuesday, I went in to get a CT scan and that's where they found something weird. They decided to admit me in to the Children's Hospital. And then Wednesday, November 14th, they told me that I have cancer. Even a week later, I still shudder ever so slightly because I am 14.
I have had so many tests and surgeries and biopsies. They took out almost three liters of fluids out of my stomach. In a way, I feel like I am a new person because I have had to push through chemo and just be grateful for every little thing that it is my life. I have amazing doctors who are amazing in their way. My primary doctor stayed up late because he wanted to figure out what type of cancer I had.
I am so blessed. I have a wonderful network of people who believe in me and will do anything to make sure that I'm comfortable. I love when people text me, send me flowers and call me. Send me food, write a message on Facebook and pray for me. I love it all because I know that through all this, I can get better. I have faith and please have faith with me.
So I started chemo on Wednesday, 11-21. It was one of the worst experiences that I have ever had because it made me feel like I couldn't do anything. On the first chemo day, they gave me a drug - I forgot the name - but I had an allergic reaction to it and it was the scariest thing. I couldn't breathe and it felt like there was all this pressure on my heart and it was standing still. I could not breathe or move. They did a Rapid Response and I was terrified. I could barely breathe and these nurses are flying around me while doctors are just standing, observing. They get an oxygen mask on and I feel immediately feel better because I have a steady source of oxygen, I remember just sitting there, thinking: "I could have died. Or lived. But I choose to live. I am living. I am going to win this disease." I sat there as doctors did their things but I reflected because I am so lucky to be alive. You have so many choices and you can make as many choices as you want because hell, that's life.
So, here I am. On my third day of chemo and I am going strong. I love my doctors and they are doing everything in their power to help me and help me survive. So, so far this is my cancer story. Stay positive. Have hope. Believe in yourself and your doctors. I'm afraid to cry because this is all overwhelming. But  have learned little things each day and I'm doing fine. I love visitors and talking to people about mindless things makes me feel better about myself. I don't really know why but like just sitting and watching Gilmore Girls. It  is soothing and just what I need to calm down and be in my own little world.
Thank you to all my friends who have been understanding through my cancer life. I'll be doing chemo for quite some time, please don't hesitate to call or speak with me because I love visitors a lot.

Wednesday, November 7, 2012

But You And I Are Really Just The Same

  I would get on a bus
A bus for Human Rights
So that every person
Can live with no
Abuse or violence
So that girls can
Live with no 
That boys can
Share the wealth
So that every human
Is equal
And no one 
Is at a loss
I would get on a bus
And travel
I will stand
On my own two feet
And I will support myself
If no one else does
I will get on a bus
For Human Rights
Hunger carves in a hole
In two opposite people
The people of power
Of gold and wealth
And the people of nothing
Nothing to live for
No food or water
People talk and talk 
About changing
What are they going to change?
Travel and listen
Don't sit and talk
I would get on a bus for 
Human Rights
So that every human can
Live without a hole
Of hunger
I would get on a bus
For Human Rights becauese
The empty, dark hole
Needs to be filled with
Light, music and art
So that every word
Can be hear
And no one is ignored
And there is no empty hole
Every talks but no one
Will you?

Sophie Steiner

Tuesday, November 6, 2012


Barack Obama.


He is the 44th re-elected president of the USA.

I love it because we have to more FORWARD!


America has taken a big step in our history.

I'm glad that Mitt Romney is not president.
He has too much money:
In his convention, it is all white people.
There are no Latinos, black, etc. cheering Romney on.

Thank you, my fellow Americans.
You took a leap of faith and I love you so much for it.

I think that Obama is an inspiration.
He is the first black president.
He has given gay youth hope.
Jobs are being created.

We are going forward.
Let's be glad we aren't going back.


Monday, November 5, 2012


I have been tired.
I feel like I haven't been writing. 
I feel this big burden on my shoulders.
I feel like that every time I log in to my email, I think, "OH my blog!!"
But then I forget because I have nothing to say.
Nothing to talk about.
Does that mean that I'm an empty shell?
That's I'm boring?
I hope not because I am interesting.

There are things that get me through the day though,
3rd period when I to sot there for 50 minutes
Halloween candy
My doggy

See, there are things that get me through my day but I feel like I always resort to them and I can't find a new way to pick my self up and see the world in a different way. 
I thought you should know my burden.
Can you feel the same?

Friday, November 2, 2012

What happens on a Friday

It's Friday.
I am so glad that it is f***ing Friday.
My day.
It was interesting.

 I had a English vocab test.
A World History exam.
And last but not least,
A biology quiz.
Fun Fun Fun

The WH exam was open note, which was good because I knew all the information and I could double check my answers in my notes.
I loved it. 
But the answers were specific.
And hard to answer.
I got over it.
And boy, do I feel good!!
I feel like I actually could have done a really good job.
I like my answers and I felt confident.

My English test...
I sorta new the words but I do not have high hopes for that grade

I can not begin to tell you how happy I am about my bio test.
I studied like crazy because I knew that I knew the information.
I went in to my teacher and got help and I feel really good about it.
But, know, I feel like as soon as I say that, my grades not gonna be so good.

 I'm so glad it's Friday.
I can't wait for the weekend.

Friday, October 26, 2012

High school

I'm not kidding when I say that I can get to bed by 9, maybe even 8:30 on a good day
'Wow! That's crazy!' My friends say.
Not really. I have a free third period.
How much homework do freshman actually get?!?
I can do most of it at school
I get home and actually do it with as little procrastination as possible
But, I was recently diagnosed with ADHD and specifically with my short term memory
(That explains so many not-so-great Spanish test...)
But because I have ADHD, I have to work that much harder
I have to come to the conclusions that it is a good thing.
It will prepare me to try hard and be determined
Stick with and really learn, study

That's kinda what I like about high school
East is a really hard school
But my bio teacher, he took 4 AP's
And is fine in life

I can push my self really hard
(I know a girl taking 4 AP's sophomore year!!)
But I can still try hard and take 2 or 3
Junior year.
Who said that I need to take a million AP's?
I can take all the hard and
All the easy classes I want
If I try hard and do take a couple hard class,
I'll go to collage
There are so many collages
It's not like I'm not gonna go to one

So, in the next 4 years,
I will push my self
I will not stress my self out too much
I will not take classes that I know are way too hard for me
(AP Physics!!)
I will have fun

Thursday, October 18, 2012

Field Hockey

Today was a sad day.
Field hockey season is over.
No more games.
No more practicing.
I won't have to lug my stuff to and from school.
The locker room won't be used by a lot of us.
(Varsity still has States)
I won't need to remember when the next game is.
No more cramps and insane running practices.

It's melancholy
 I won't play for a year
Maybe in the spring
I had the best team that anyone could ever ask for
Undefeated, with only 1 tie!!
We had one goal scored on us
My team was so much fun
We talked, cheered, critiqued 
I played hard
I worked hard
I got better

I will see you all next year
It will be a long year
I will miss you all
I will miss the feeling of working hard and then drinking ice-cold water
I'll miss dressing up for games
I'll miss cheering on my team
I'll miss making good plays
I might even miss the sweat and how bad the locker room smelled after a game...

But all in all, it was a great season.
Even though it got off to a rocky start,
I'm glad that I stuck with it
I made new friends
There will always be people better than me
I will be better than some people
But that is life
It is a sport that I love 

Song: in case you haven't heard one of the best kpop songs: Gangham Style -- Psy

Friday, October 12, 2012

Another Poem...

We were driving fast, so fast
Saved some money
We got a ticket anywhere
City lights going to fast
We could be something
Just keep driving
Drive anywhere
Just Go
We could have that moment
That moment so pure
Ringing of freedom

Monday, October 8, 2012


I found this poem in one of my older post and it made me kinda melancholy, thinking of all my old friends. It made me think of the anger I felt, how lonely I was and how fortunate I was to go to a Montessori school.


The feeling 
The dread
The loneliness
Trapped in my own body
My head and
My heart
You don't understand
But you try
Thank you but
No thanks
Maybe I'm not as special
As I thought
Notice that I'm saying
I, Me
And not
You, Her
I'm trapped and
Can't get out
I want to so bad
I feel like
You don't know me
And don't want to hang out with me
You have other friends
Other people to
Spend time with
All I want is a

Friday, October 5, 2012

My older sister and she just turned 17!! There are a lot of reasons why she is the best and why is is soo cool but here are 17 reasons why:
  1. She is hilarious. I love hanging out with her because she just says the funniest things and can make you laugh so hard. Even though she can make some snarky comments every now and then, they are always funny.
  2. She cooks really good Korean food, which is not a bad thing! I love how excited she gets when she gets a new cookbook, no make what type of food. She gets really happy when she recognizes dishes and she can't start making all this delicious food. 
  3. Her style is amazing. She has so much clothing that I love just going through her closet and finding clothes to wear for that day. Her sense of style is chic and comfortable. A cute dress layered with a pink sweater. She puts her hair up and she looks great.
  4. She looks really good with a little makeup. She puts on a little mascara and she already looks good for the day.
  5. Her even temper. She doesn't get that angry and just kinda gets really happy. Sure, she has her moments but she is very even tempered. 
  6. No matter how busy she is, she always finds 5 minutes to help with my biology.
  7. Her friends are awesome. They all have so much fun together. They are spontaneous, funny and just so much fun to hang around.
  8. I love riding in the car with her and blaring music. We sing in Korean, not know what we are saying, and have real bonding moments. We sometimes go and get FroYo and/or Sunrise biscuits and I really like eating them with her. Sacred moments. 
  9. Music between us is really different. But we have common ground in some really deep music and I love discussing the true meaning of the words and how they relate to my life.
  10. Her room really reflects her. It's colorful but monitored. An organized mess. 
  11. She tutors Karen refugees and the way the she feels about helping them is indescribably. She loves helping them and learning about their culture. Just seeing their little faces light up when they learn something and grasp a new concept gives her so much joy.
  12. Her maturity and her willingness to be a kid are great. She acts her age but she stills know how to have fun. One Friday night, we ordered Chinese food and we all spread out over the floor and ate sweet and sour chicken and watched Gilmore Girls. 
  13. She's confident that nothing's out there stopping her from achieving her dreams. She works hard and is very determined. 
  14. She is a true Tar Heel. She loves Carolina and the campus and the sports.
  15. She is willing to learn from her mistakes and grow and have fun life. Though all her classes are not the easiest classes, she does them willingly and learns a lot.
  16. Even though I'm just a little freshman, she talks to me at school and is interested in my classes and makes sure that I'm doing OK. 
  17. But I think that what I love most about her is that she is supportive and caring. She is there for me every step of the way and she knows the best for me, even before I do. She is the best older sister I could ever have.
So that is my amazing sister. If you ever meet her, tell her I said hi and I that I love her a lot.

Saturday, September 29, 2012

High school

So, I'm a freshman at a school that is ranked 88th in the country for collage readiness, we are in the top 100 high schools in the nation and 95% of ECHHS Wildcats go on to collage or university. AP scores are high and we are on the Honor School of Excellent list of NC.

That's scary.

As a freshman coming from a Montessori school, the 1,500 other kids at my school are big and scary.
I'm not kidding when I say that some of these junior, even sophomore, guys are like 2-3 feet taller than me. And they have muscles which makes them even bigger and scarier.

Many kids worry about their grades and if their exam in class x will effect their 91.
I worry about my 89's and my missing assignments but I'm also worried about the friend situation.  Do I actually have friends? Do the people I eat lunch with actually like me or are they just nice?
Sure, I knew them in 6th grade but that doesn't mean that we were besties back then.
At my Montessori school, there were 22 of us. There are 26 people in my Honors Bio class.
4 people is not a lot but it's still more people than at Montessori, 7th and 8th grade combined.

I worry about what classes I'm gonna take next year because a lot of sophomores are taking AP World History.
AP World History. The same class as my senior sister.

I know I'm not ready but what if the expectation is too high and the pressure is on and I am "forced" in a sense to take hard classes. What if it's given that I take unbelievably hard classes?
We are 88th in the country.
High is going to be a long four years.
And I could be more ready.
I'm ready for September to be over and October to be here. 

The Avett Brothers -- I and Love and You

Saturday, September 22, 2012

It's coming!!!

It's coming and coming fast!!!
It is about to be FALL!!
I love fall so much

There are the colors

And the clothes
And the tea
 The weather get's colder and crisper

You can wear colorful jackets in school without being sick

You can layer clothing and color on color

There are gorgeous sunsets

The farmer's markets are overflowing with fresh food

I can make fresh bread

There are the last of the flowers and the colors are endless

You can eat soup with out feeling weird

Nature is overflowing with color

Fall is finally coming. And I can't wait.

Tuesday, September 18, 2012

In sickness and in health

Here is my sick story: (its still going on...)
Got a fever Tuesday
Didn't go to school Wednesday or Thursday due to a fever. Took a lot of medicine.
Felt OK enough to go to school Friday.

So on Sunday, I wake up with severe stomach cramps.
My mom and I end up going to Urgent Care for 3 hours to learn that I have this big ball of gas in my stomach. And that I'm very anemic, which means that my iron is really low. I'm at a 6 and I should be at a 12...
So, my Sunday morning was eventful. I was tired, still had a fever, a cold, possibly walking pneumonia and very anemic.
I go home, do some homework for Honors Biology, sleep.

Then its Monday, which is basically this:
On Thursday, we had a delayed opening.
 Which means only 2, 4, and 6th period.
(Friday is 1, 3, 5, and 7)
So I get to school on Friday and I go to 3rd, which is a study hall.
I go see my Honors World History class, a class where there is a lot of ready and taking notes.
I say, "Mr. _____, can I have the homework?"
He says, "I'll give it to you Monday."
Monday arrives, yesterday.
By the way, the weekend was a nice relatively homework free weekend.
My fever is basically higher at night, maybe 100.5 or so and then fine in the morning.
I get to school on Monday and Mr. ____ says,
"Here is your reading":
44-49, 50-50, 240-249 and 30-35 ish (I forgot the actual numbers.)
I'm about to start crying because that's so time consuming and I have no idea how much more homework I have from other classes.
OK so moral of this long story is that I had soooo much homework.
Mr. ______ was making me mad because he didn't tell me on Friday that I had all this reading.

Dot, Dot, Dot

So Monday kinda sucks and I go home on the bus.
All this time, I'm missing field hockey practice, which I feel really, really bad about.
Tuesday was today and I had gotten most of my Honors World History done and my geometry.
Honors English 1 was fine, World was OK, Mr. _____ said that it said that I just need to get all the reading done by some time.
I have 3rd free because it's a study hall period thing. I go to the doctor during 3rd and she basically tells me that I have walking pneumonia. Happy days are here to stay.
Meanwhile, my iron is still low and that isn't good.
I don't eat meat and she said that that could have effected my iron.
So a walking-pneumonia-stricken child and her saintly mother go out to lunch.
It's there that we decide that for my health, I will go back to eating meat. 
I had a piece of chicken for lunch and dinner and l loved all of it. 
Sure, I feel a little weird but, I won't die and I need it.
So it's Tuesday night and I at 102.3 for my fever, nowhere with my World History and done with my biology and geometry.

You know, life can be a jackass to you. There will be days that you will be so swamped and exhausted that you just feel like quitting.
But don't.
You know, if you really need to, sleep in late and do in at lunch. You can make up you classes later and do them in the morning. 
 Power through and really listen to your body because if you are sick like crazy like me, take a break to sleep and get better.
Because 1 think I have learned, pushing your body and over -driving it will only make it worse.
Ask your teachers for homework, bug them until then do if they don't, like Mr. _____ on Friday.
It's not the end of the world if you miss a few days as a freshman.
You are a freshman.
Just don't be sick 2nd semester/3rd quarter junior year.
Then you are really behind.
So have fun, listen to your body and don't get too stressed.

Friday, September 7, 2012

Blog changes

Yes, yes I did change my blog name, a little about my self and the thing at the top!!
But don't worry, that was all!!

Thursday, September 6, 2012


Be Loud

Be loud
Let your colors show
Be loud
Have everybody watch
Throw your soul
Let the wind pick it up
Rustle in the leaves
Because you are you
Wade in the water
Be loud
Stay strong
Put your smile on
Be loud
And move with grace
Explode with light
Have no fear
Be loud
See the world
Be yourself
Don't hide away
Be joyous
Because you are you
Be loud

Sophie Steiner

I wrote this poem because of this song: Colorshow -- The Avett Brothers. I love this song and it sends a really good vibe.
I wrote this poem to show that you don't have to be confined in what ever you are doing. You can change and become something else. Be loud, have fun in life because you only live once. 

Sunday, September 2, 2012


Sorry, this will not be as girls empowerment post.
This week has been so overwhelming. I started high school, had a tournament and had field hockey practice.
I learned that the first week of high school sucks. You are overwhelmed and want to cry a lot of the time. You wonder why do a sport. Who with you sit with at lunch? Who are your friends? Why the hell is this kid talking to me? Why does this school have to be so f***ing big? My high school has 1,500 kids and three quads are have two stories each quad an it takes a while to get from upper A to lower C.
The textbooks suck and the vocab quizzes.
But, thankfully, after a long and hectic week, Labor day weekend arrived and I'm at the beach.
My uncle has a beach house and so I'm there with my two uncles, two aunts, two cousins, parents and two sisters. Plus two dogs. The only people are my grandparents and my oldest cousin.
We watched Sleepless in Seattle last night, I learned to knee board, boated, walked around an island, collected broken sand-dollars and boated over waves. I got sprayed with salty water and gusts of wind.
But I have loved this weekend. I know that I have gone to the Lake house for the last 7 years but we tried something new this year. I'm seeing my family and have a blast. I love the ocean and I love the water, sand and sun.

Wednesday, August 22, 2012

Warm embrace

When the rain
Is blowing in your face
And the whole world
Is on your case
I could offer you
A warm embrace
To make you feel my love*

You are you and that is wonderful. Do things that make you feel proud. Don't wallow in candy but strive for the light. Striving is hard but no-one said it was impossible. 
Courage is a great motivator because if pushes you to your limits. If makes you think of new ways to approach things.
Courage is small at the beginning. But you can feel it. It's like a heavy weight and you know when you can use it when your heart is pounding but stand up straight and feel the courage lift off your chest and float in to the air. 
Confronting a friend or a family member about an issue is hard. But standing straight, even if your hands are shaking, do it with a heart wide open because what ever you lose, you can gain back. 
It takes courage to stand up for what you believe in. If you had no courage, you would live alone, or with some one with enough courage to boss you around with out thinking. 
Life is a beautiful thing so don't waste. Don't let the whole world be on your case, set boundaries. 
Be strong, be careful and love yourself. Believe in your self and take courage. Stand and sing, dance, paint, write, what you believe. 
Have fun too. Don't be afraid. 
I know that I have posted this song before but...

*More lyrics:

Friday, August 17, 2012

New Blog Idea

So I was thinking about my blog and yes, I love it but I want to change it up slightly. Actually a lot because my new blog is going to be about empowering girls and young women every where.
We all need a little change and I have a lot of stories to tell. So, I will them them. Some of them might not be as clear but you know, life isn't always clear.
Girls, you are amazing. I know that because what would be with out us? There would be no more kids, no more babies that would grow up to be the next president.
You are just as important as the guys. Who has to be pregnant? You. Girls get to wear the pretty dresses or wear gym shorts and look just as pretty. You have a million different hair lengths, styles and cuts.
You are wonderful because there is no one like you, there was no one like you and there will be no one like you.
Girls are amazing and we don't need to hide in the shadows. You might be bullied, I was.
I hated myself. Everyone hates themselves at one point. But you get over that. You get older. I really like myself now but sometimes, I do go back to that place. There are bad days but there are other great, wonderful days. Go to bed and sleep on your hate and try to wake up to a new song, a new light that will get you through the day. Because each day you are growing older.
You are you and no one can change that because they are not you and they don't know what you might be going through.
Hold on because things will change for the better because once you are 18 -- at least in America -- you are legally an adult and you can move out, start anew.
You can change your life in a heartbeat. But it will take courage. Try it out. Things will get better.
Beyonce -- Run The World

Saturday, August 11, 2012

The jump

Jump. Just jump. You can jump for joy or jump for pride. You can jump over the creek, to new land.
You can do anything because you are willing to risk something to jump.
Sometimes, you are forced to jump and step over rocky waters to find new land to stand on.
High school might be big and scary but you can't hide from it and sneak back in to the game of your childhood because you have to pick up the next card in your deck and jump.
You can take risks and try out new clubs and team sports or you could not. You could sit in the corner and do the things that are expected of you but I think that trying something new is the best thing that can ever happen to you because it teaches you what you can do and not do.
I made the JV field hockey team, but I went in to on Monday not know if I was going to make it because there was a butt load of sophomores. But as the week went on, I got better and I think that it showed. The coach said that there were enough girls that no one was going to get cut and the worst that could happen was that I was going to be an alternate, meaning that I can go to practices and play, juts not at away games. I couldn't play at home games but I could go and be apart of the team.
I risked it and jumped in to something that was fun, scary and hard but I tried. And I did it.
Try out for a team because you can still practice with them and this is freshman year, you have three more years to get even better so it's not the end of the world.
Jumping is difficult and it takes courage to do anything.
But think of other people. Do you think that Kate Middleton has it easy? Sure, she is a princess but there is paparazzi everywhere.
The Olympians are trying for gold and I'm sure your thinking, 'But they have been training for ever!!'
Yeah, they have and there will be people that are better than them and they no that.
Jumping is hard but you have to do that.
Here are two very inspiring videos.
Powerful Inspiration of a True Story
Get Back Up
Think. Reflect. Jump. Because you need to jump in order to succeed.

Monday, July 30, 2012


There was a Frozen Yogurt food truck. I saw it. I loved it. I thought of home. Sadly, I did not get any. Poor me. But seeing it made my day so much better.
And then I got a red Adidas message bag. It is sooo cute and I love it. It makes me really happy.
I got a Swiss Army knife too.
I was a very happy camper today.
Now I have to pack and that kinda sucks. No, it really sucks because I'm leaving and I really want to stay but I want to go back to the States as well.
I want a bagel so bad.
I love bagels. I don't think that you will ever find someone who loves bagels more.
happiness strikes again because there are these really good chocolate bars in Switzerland and I got 50 of them for 12 Francs. They were for 20 but they were on sale.
Very happy Sophie because I mean come on, 50 bars of great chocolate on SALE?!?!
That's really all that happened today because I spent the day with my very chilled grandparents and had a great day.
I'll see you on the other side!! Tongue Tied -- Grouplove

Sunday, July 29, 2012

So, I'm not dead, don't worry. I am still alive but just tired.
Ok so this month has been a hectic with hikes, family, swimming, sight-seeing and all that fun stuff. We went to Lausanne and Geneva. We went on several hikes overlooking the Alps. I went climbing for a week. 
But this month has been the best month that I have had in a long long long time. I left America and came to an amazing country and I got to have a break from all the crap that was going. I'm nervous about high school next year and it was nice not procrastinating and actually doing something productive  with my time. 
I love Switzerland so much and all the Swiss people. They are so chilled.
I'm sorry that I haven't posted in a while and I still would like to tell you about my New York trip and my climbing camp. Not at this moment because it is 11:39 pm and I need to sleep. Eeekkk!! 
I come back to the States on Tuesday and I'm kinda ready to come back. I love Switzerland but I really want to see my friends and have an American breakfast. There is this really good breakfast place in Carrboro called Elmo's Diner and it has the best breakfast ever. I might be exaggerating but I love it. I love bagels so much. 
Ok, idea. I should have a blog post of all the food that I like. Which is a lot. 
I really want some pancakes. And bagels. Damn.
We watched the opening ceremony for the Olympics and OH MY GOODNESS!!! That was so cool!! If you didn't watch it, shame on you because it was really cool because they did British history.
But then we watched the highlights of the Beijing Olympics and then we were like "Oh, just kidding" 
The 2008 opening ceremony was awesome and they were all synchronized and it looked so amazing. Just watch it.
We watched a field hockey game today and HOLE SHIT!! it was fast and their stick work was unbelievable. I was in awe the entire first half.
Watching the Olympics makes me kinda sad because these people are so good and then I'm sitting their watching them. Word. I'm thinking 'Damn' 
They are really good and then your'e not. It's sad but it cool to be inspired by them.
OK I need to sleep. Sleeping is still a verb that I would like to keep in my vocab. Maybe.
I might have already posted this but Michel Telo -- Nossa Nossa
Pretty good stuff :)

Wednesday, July 4, 2012

Paddle Boating

Paddle Boating is great. It's pretty much the best because you are sitting down and peddling. It's like being on a bike but sitting in a more comfortable position.
We were in Lausanne -- which is really near to Geneva -- and my parents were seeing a friend and my sisters and I pulled on out bathing suits and went paddle boating.
It was so much fun we could stop and jump in and the water was colder the first couple of times that I jumped in but then it got warmers. We were further out thought, near the middle of the Lake Geneva so it was colder.
But it was SO MUCH FUN!!!
I'm going to a climbing camp next week or something. Yea :) I'm excited but it's gonna be hard but my sister went 2 years ago and she said it was really fun and one of her friends that went that year is going to go again this year. I'm gonna maybe meet her before hand. Her name is Michele and she seems really nice.
Sorry this post are getting to much shorter!!!
I will have photos up one day... I have a lot of them :)
But the song for today is Amy MacDonald -- Life in a Beautiful Light. Her new album came out and it is really good!
Ok, I need to go on a run.

Monday, July 2, 2012

So much has happened

So, I haven't written in a while and sorry about that.
I really have no excuses but I'm in Switzerland right now and I'm feeling pretty good.
My dad is form Switzerland and it is a great time to work on my Swiss-German, look at all the sights and keep up with some of my friends.
I love it here. There are so many spectacular views and I love eating all the fresh food. I love walking next to the river and watching the ice-blue water flow by in a a hurry. It has rained a lot but that doesn't mean that we can't go shopping!!
We went to H&M and I got a really cute shirt.
My sister and I walked in to the Metro, which is like a retro clothing store, and there were so many really super cute bikinis and that made me happy. I didn't buy any because I don't really have any money. Ok I lied,  I have 40 Francs but the bikini was like 30 or something crazy and I didn't want to pay that.
We walked up 288 steps to get to our house and that was an adventure because let me tell you, I am not in shape.
But that is ok because I have a month before field hockey try-outs start and I do have running clothes. And a field hockey stick.
So Thun is really living up to what I remembered. Nothing really big has changed.
BUT the swans left!!!
So what? There are just swans?
They are more than swans. Swans have been in the river that flows through Thun as long as I can remember and there are not as many ducks as there were. Ever!!
This is so sad.  :(
So the song that I'm going to do makes me really happy. Its my song :) The Wanted -- Glad You Came

Monday, June 18, 2012

Well for the last week I was in New York City!! I was on a mission trip with my church youth group and it was really super fun!
I did volunteer work Monday-Thursday at different soup kitchens with the three other rising freshman that went on the trip. It was so much fun and we did some sight seeing on Friday and Saturday.
We saw Wicked on Broadway and that was so amazing. Just the sheer intensity and the lights/costumes and the lights were so cool.
We went to the Metropolitan Museum of Art and that was really cool because of just how much art there is and how good all the art is.
I went to go see the 9/11 memorial and it was hard. But I liked what they id with it. It was a fountain and it was gorgeous.
I will report later with maybe some more photos but I got to run.
Song: Empire State of Mind -- Jay-Z

Saturday, June 2, 2012


It's good to talk to people. Some people suck at listening. Some people are great at listening.
A lot of people suck at listening.
It's a fact.
Get over it.
Trust the people who listen.
That is also a fact.

Monday, May 28, 2012

Some weekends are just meant to be

So, my dad's really good friend has a lake house on Lake Gaston and it's pretty amazing. We drove up there on Friday night and I was in a really good mood.
It was one of those weekends where the days are just like routines.We do it every year. But each year is different and the same.
So this weekend, we get up at like 9:30 Saturday and make our way down stairs where Belgian waffles are the first breakfast and my older sister heads to the coffee machine.
We eat Belgian waffles until we drop and we dump whipped cream and strawberries on them.
Then we kinds sit around until someone puts 'boat' and 'tubing' and 'kids' in the same sentence. Then we run upstairs -- metaphorically of course -- and throw on our bathing suits and gym shorts and head down to the dock where we pile on to the speed boat. Well first we must dawn on some sun screen. But this year, this was actually quite funny, we had to clean the boats. Josh poured vinegar in to a bucket of lake water and we scrubbed away the dirt that was on the seats and the parents admired their free labor.
After cleaning the boat, we hook the three person raft up to the end of the speed boat and three kids pile on to the raft. It was choppy and it was really funny hearing my friend scream. After a great morning of tubing, we head inside and then through on some clothes to head to lunch at a place near the marina.
Ok, so I was kinds sad because I really wanted some like legit pasta but I got some like really boring and not actually that great of pasta and it made me really sad.
After lunch, we actually to head to the marina to get gas and, this was funny, we all got Italian ice and so I'm eating mine. All is good and then we actually start the boat and we are speeding away and bumping over waves  -- it's actually really painful when you go over waves in a speedboat at like 30 something mph -- and I give up eating my Italian ice because, what's the point, it's gonna get all over me. So we hit this one wave and the ice - juice - sticky stuff gets all over my hand. I pass my ice to my friend Maggie so I can sort of lick it off my arm and we hit another wave. The ice stuff kinds spills and it gets on the carpet and all over my friend Chris and my friend Sam, who is driving, is cracking up. So Maggie, Chris and I have Italian ice all over our selves and the carpet has red stains on in.
My stomach is starting to hurt because I'm laughing so much. It was really funny!!
OK so we get back and we tub some more and sunbathe. There was some swimming.
We make a fire that night, after a dinner of barbecue (i eat mashed potatoes and lime beans) and my friends and I are just making fun of each other and it's really funny. Meanwhile Josh is getting mad at us for poking the fire and waving around burning sticks.
We head inside and the adults talk and the kids play pool. Maggie and I talk for a while.
The next morning, Sunday, we get up and eat eggs and biscuits. We go tubing and that was really fun. I am happy to say that I didn't fall off this year. I have a record of falling of and it is becoming sort of a habit.
So tubing on Sunday was quite an adventure.
So as I said earlier, there is a three person tube. There is also a tube but it is flat and you lie down and hold on to handles that are next to you. Very fun.
So, we are taking turns in the three person tube and we notice that is's sort of getting a little deflated. We go back in to the dock and pump it back up, thinking that it's ok. Wrong. So 6 kids pile on to the three person tube. (it's actually really fun to have a ton of people on one tube) So i'm sitting in the middle and Sam decides to not actually site in the seat with me -- it was two people a seat -- and he is hanging out of the back of the tube holding on to the handles. The things that he said were really really funny. I will not repeat... So, everyone is bouncing around and falling off the tube and cursing and screaming. It was really funny.
But then Adam, Sam and Chris all fell off and Maggie, Bella and I were all still on the tube!!
We play this game called rodeo and a person is on the tube and they can't touch the fat with their hands. They try to stay on as long as they can.
So, Sam was doing rodeo and he noticed that the raft was really deflated.
We took it apart on the dock.
It has a huge hole. That would be the third raft that we have broken over the years.  It's kinda sad.
So another batch of people head out and they go tubing on the flat raft and that was super fun. I always get rug burn though but...
After a dinner of tacos, we watched Justin Beiber's Never Say Never. I don't really know what to say.
It was kinda sad but really funny at the same time.
I don't love him, I don't hate him.
This morning, we all woke up sore and sunburned. Nothing really happened today. We kinda just sat around. We started packing and I took a ton of pictures. We drove home today and I worked on homework.
It was the kind of weekend that I never wanted to end. I wanted it to stay like that forever.
We will be back again soon, I hope.

Thursday, May 24, 2012


I hate being sick because I sit around, watch TV and get some homework done. It get's boring and I normally feel like crap.
But on a good note, I don't have strep throat and my throat doesn't feel lke there is a knife in it.
That's really all I have to say. I'm missing school and I feel like crap I took two vitamine c tables and drank a lot of water. I'm slowing feeling better but not really.
My friend from Switzerland is here. She is really nice and its great to talk to some one in Swiss-German...other than my dad. She lives in Chicago and she is super nice.
It's like a mental health day. But not really. I don't have to hang around all the idiots in my school and pretend that I'm happy because honestly, there are more than one cold shoulder leaning towards me in my class.
It kinda sucks but hell, that's life and I have to deal.

Saturday, May 19, 2012

Hunger Games

Finally went to go see the Hunger Games!! F***ing amazing! The energy was amazing and it was just a great movie and I have to say, Liam Hemsworth is pretty adorable and Josh Hutcherson was good...he is cute but I don't know. He is cute.

I saw Juno yesterday and that was really intense movie. I really felt a connection with all of the characters and it was a good movie because there were a lot of emotions showed and I could tell what was really going on. The actors did an amazing job.

Bah!! I really actually kinds hate music theory because it is kinds confusing and there are people in my class who really get it and it makes me feel bad. But I'm glad that some people get what a broken triad is and the diatonic semitone is below e sharp in the bass clef.

I struggle in school. Not going to lie but at least I try and I know that when I do try, I can make something out of my education. It just drives me crazy when a person keeps rubbing it in to your face but it's in a polite way. So, they are being nice like, "Oh, that's easy!" or "Yeah, I ended the year with a 95 in music!" I'm ending with not such a good grade and it's discouraging. I always wanted to do something with music but when I can't anything. I can play the uke but I'm in the lower group. I try so hard but there is no point. I'm not going anywhere and my teachers don't care because in their mind, I'm not good at the uke.

It's like that in dance. I thought I was ok but why am I not going anywhere? Why am I not getting better? I was so good but then. I think it was in January when I was casted as the cow in the school play.
I wasn't good enough to be anything else because I dance. I got to do all my own choreography but I still fell like I didn't get to dance. I could have done the most elaborate dance or the boring routine and my teacher wouldn't have cared because he didn't pay attention to me. That is how important I am in the show. I am the dancing cow and I wasn't challenged at all.

I've learned to deal. I'll be ok. Glad You Came -- The Wanted

Wednesday, May 16, 2012


I had book club tonight and it was super fun because we all laughed at how much the book kinda sucked. I have read worse but The Fault in Our Stars was interesting because it wasa cancer story but not really.

But my close friend is moving to Virgina because her dad took a job at W n L and they are moving middle of August. They are moving as in they are not coming back. We will see them again but they are moving an never coming back to Chapel Hill. Her older brother and her mom are staying so that he can finish up high school but it's kinds sad, I don't know when I will see them.

But that is really all that is going on right now. I mean, I'm having issue with my parents but that's all old news and my field hockey team is undefeated and I don't know, I feel like something is missing and I'm slowing taking my foot off the pedal and I can't afford to do that. I'm running out of steam, that's what happening. I don't have any more motivation to keep going because I don't have stuff to do for Honduras.

Well folks, there you go. My life in a paragraph.  Got to go shake things ups.

Song: Ron Pope -- I believe  

Thursday, May 10, 2012

Make Them Feel Welcome

So. Gay marriage.
Gay people are just like straight people because every single human is 99.9 the same,.
So, if gays are not humans, what are they? Aliens because they should get tested because I have never seen an alien before and scientist would have a new discovery.
No, really. What is so bad about gay and lesbians?
I have another question. When did you come out being straight? When did you notice you were straight? What is hard for you to come out and tell all of your friends and family that you are straight?  I'm sure it was really hard. Did you parents never want to hear or see from you again? Are you bullied in school because you are straight? What is being STRAIGHT and GAY different?!?!?!?! Everyone is 99.9 the same.
Amendment one children and tears apart families.
Let me put it this way: 
You husband (or wife, depending on your gender) is in the hospital. S/he is dieing and you can not do a single thing. You can not make your partner live, you can not visit them, you can not even give them a hug them and tell them everything will be ok. You are completely hopeless because you are gay. If you lesbian and pregnant and you and the baby are in danger, you partner can not help you because you are not legally married. So, your wife and your baby are in danger and you might not see them any more.
1.3 million North Carolinian don't care. They voted to say that is it ok for people to die. It sucks because gay people are not safe and 1.3 idiots don't accept them.
Churches say that marriage should be between a man and a women but since when was the BIBLE the CONSTITUTION!! The Constitution is what rules America, not the bible. Oh My God what is wrong with you Christians?!?!
God say's to love your neighbors and you aren't loving everybody.
So, please, accept gay and lesbians, make them feel welcome.

Sunday, April 29, 2012

Field hockey

Well, yesterday, we had a game that we won 3-1 without our best player and another 8th grader that is really good. Sadness because it was only 2 8th graders, me and this other really other really good player. But it was ok since we won but the night before, I had gotten 4.5 hours of sleep. Properly less.
I'm not even kidding.
But I am glad that we won and that the weather was cooler.
Today, I had another game that we won 6-0 (?) Maybe it was 5-0 but either way, we won. our team really pulled together this year and became a team.
We talk more and make better passes. We are just a better team in general.

Today, me and my friend Walker sat down and talked for an hour. It was nothing deep or personal. We already did that at camp but we just laughed and hung out, which is what I needed. Sorry, but the friends at my school drive me crazy and I can't really take them some times. Actually, most of the time. I just hang around them too much but Walker and I sat and talked and we can now laugh about how tired we were this morning and the amount of hilarious things that we said.

I had dance rehearsals today and I'm with a bung of 11 year old's that can't really dance and with a bunch of my friends who can dance.
But, that's ok because she gave slighter harder parts.
God, I am sore.
And tired.

I had I really good dinner. It was from Mediterranean Deli and it was so good. When my mom and I were there after my game yesterday, the owner gave me two free baklava!! Med Deli is amazing because the food is light and organic and fresh and great in general.

I went to Locopops today and it was nice to spend some time with my mom.

My mom and I haven't always gotten along and now that I have gotten older and I am more patient, me and her have got a better relationship and I really like spending time with her. We never were like the mother and daughter who screamed at each other daily but there were more than a couple fights and I like how now we are at peace with each other.

I get the baby Thursday and I am ready to get it over with. I kinda want it and all my friends want to meet the f***ing baby and I don't understand. I'm gonna name him Charlie. I told my friend Maria and she was like "Awwww!! You have to come to hip hop Friday!! I wanna meet him." All I could say was: "No you don't!"

This blog post is going no where. What ever.

Who else is really tired?!?!? I want the summer to come. Come fast!! But March went by so fast. And April. This spring is going by so fast and I don't know if I want it to speed up or slow down.

Jessie J -- Domino  This song just makes me feel happy inside! :)

Thursday, April 26, 2012


Dance is not how flexible you are, or how graceful, or how pretty you are, or how high your kicks are.
It is about what is inside of you, the life that is in your heart.
Stretching your limits and extending your arms.
Dance, for me, has always been there. I started dancing when I was 4. 10 years. A decade. WOW!!
Ok, but I'm saying that even though I have been dancing for the last 10 years, I am the best dancer ever. I haven't made it too any dance companies, only a couple festivals and seen a couple dance companies perform.
Dance is a great because it is fun, energetic and makes you work out.
Anyone can do it.
Dance is like finding your inner bird.
A bird?
Yes, a bird. Because a bird is small yet powerful. It's strong and might. It can go great distances and convey many messages.
When you turn on music and have 20 different dancers dance to the song, it will be all different because each dance has a different bird inside them.
It may be hard to find the bird inside you because one hasn't made it's self obvious yet but there is a bird inside of your, wanting to come out and express yourself.
Dance can break barriers. It can force down walls and make things right in the world.
But it is hard. It's hard to push past the pain that can be inside of you. There might be a lot of walls and barriers that are inside of you but that is what great about dance.
You can push past everything and go for something that is yours.
Own that something that is hidden.
It will be tough because pain is never fun. And you know you have achieved when you are able to push passed hard times and see the new.
So, keep pushing down those walls and keep breaking new barriers for yourself. Create new connections.
Dance is not how good you are. it's not how flexible, how great, how fast you get moves.
It's about finding yourself, releasing that bird and tearing down walls.
U2 - Beautiful Day

Tuesday, April 24, 2012


So The Eno River Festival is in July. As much as I want to go, and I really really really want to, I am going to be in Switzerland. We have some friends and the dad runs the Eno and it is soooo cool. It's basically Shakori Hills Grassroots in the summer.
In case you don't know, I am half Swiss and I am going back to Switzerland June 30th and I am so totally physicked to go. All of friends are there and I can hike mountains and swim in 20 C water and I am so ready to go and OH MY GOD some one get me there!!

I am ready to be done with school! I am ready to speak Swiss-German for a month. I am doing a climbing camp and I am going to be jumping off bridges and biking and eating cherries and fresh fruit and getting food at the local grocery store and playing street soccer and having so much fun and feeding the ducks and the swans and there are a lot of things I really want to do.
Eating the pastries. Drinking the orange juice -- which by the way, is the bloody best orange juice you will ever drink in you entire life. No kidding.
Oh, I am ready to leave.
I'm not going to do a song today. I have many ideas but....