Wednesday, November 28, 2012


I came home yesterday afternoon from the hospital. I love my room. I love how calm it is. I love how clean but good clean it is. I love how nurses don't come it every 30 seconds. I swear, I saw half a million people before 10:30.
I'm at home, watching TV and reading People magazine. It has been a good day for the most part.
The things I really don't like about having cancer is all the damn fluids I have to take and all the pills. Meds make me crazy because I feel like I'm always getting them and fluids just make me feel yucky inside.
I hurt. A lot. Especially my belly and my back. It sucks. But I need to put on a smile and power through this because its only gonna last about 5-6 months. It seems like a while but it is only 5-6 months.

Sunday, November 25, 2012

This little story about a big thing called cancer

I am 14. I have lived a long time because a lot can happen in 14 years, 9 months and 4 days. My life has have it's ups and downs but nothing like this because this is a different up and a way bigger down.
People, I have cancer. It is a challenge that I am taking day by day. I can't think about whats gonna happen tomorrow because then I forget about today and living today as best as I can. Don't worry, my cancer isn't serious. They aren't even quite sure of what type of cancer I have.
I will live today. I will reflect on yesterday and ask only questions about tomorrow.
This all happen so fast. I'll tell you my cancer story so far.
So it was Monday, 11-12 and I had no school. But I did have a doctor's appointment. My belly is normally small, flat and average looking. But the last couple of weeks, my stomach has become distended and became bigger, which puzzled them but they let it go. When I went to the doctor on Monday, they said that there was definitely something in there that needs to be checked out. So on Tuesday, I went in to get a CT scan and that's where they found something weird. They decided to admit me in to the Children's Hospital. And then Wednesday, November 14th, they told me that I have cancer. Even a week later, I still shudder ever so slightly because I am 14.
I have had so many tests and surgeries and biopsies. They took out almost three liters of fluids out of my stomach. In a way, I feel like I am a new person because I have had to push through chemo and just be grateful for every little thing that it is my life. I have amazing doctors who are amazing in their way. My primary doctor stayed up late because he wanted to figure out what type of cancer I had.
I am so blessed. I have a wonderful network of people who believe in me and will do anything to make sure that I'm comfortable. I love when people text me, send me flowers and call me. Send me food, write a message on Facebook and pray for me. I love it all because I know that through all this, I can get better. I have faith and please have faith with me.
So I started chemo on Wednesday, 11-21. It was one of the worst experiences that I have ever had because it made me feel like I couldn't do anything. On the first chemo day, they gave me a drug - I forgot the name - but I had an allergic reaction to it and it was the scariest thing. I couldn't breathe and it felt like there was all this pressure on my heart and it was standing still. I could not breathe or move. They did a Rapid Response and I was terrified. I could barely breathe and these nurses are flying around me while doctors are just standing, observing. They get an oxygen mask on and I feel immediately feel better because I have a steady source of oxygen, I remember just sitting there, thinking: "I could have died. Or lived. But I choose to live. I am living. I am going to win this disease." I sat there as doctors did their things but I reflected because I am so lucky to be alive. You have so many choices and you can make as many choices as you want because hell, that's life.
So, here I am. On my third day of chemo and I am going strong. I love my doctors and they are doing everything in their power to help me and help me survive. So, so far this is my cancer story. Stay positive. Have hope. Believe in yourself and your doctors. I'm afraid to cry because this is all overwhelming. But  have learned little things each day and I'm doing fine. I love visitors and talking to people about mindless things makes me feel better about myself. I don't really know why but like just sitting and watching Gilmore Girls. It  is soothing and just what I need to calm down and be in my own little world.
Thank you to all my friends who have been understanding through my cancer life. I'll be doing chemo for quite some time, please don't hesitate to call or speak with me because I love visitors a lot.

Wednesday, November 7, 2012

But You And I Are Really Just The Same

  I would get on a bus
A bus for Human Rights
So that every person
Can live with no
Abuse or violence
So that girls can
Live with no 
That boys can
Share the wealth
So that every human
Is equal
And no one 
Is at a loss
I would get on a bus
And travel
I will stand
On my own two feet
And I will support myself
If no one else does
I will get on a bus
For Human Rights
Hunger carves in a hole
In two opposite people
The people of power
Of gold and wealth
And the people of nothing
Nothing to live for
No food or water
People talk and talk 
About changing
What are they going to change?
Travel and listen
Don't sit and talk
I would get on a bus for 
Human Rights
So that every human can
Live without a hole
Of hunger
I would get on a bus
For Human Rights becauese
The empty, dark hole
Needs to be filled with
Light, music and art
So that every word
Can be hear
And no one is ignored
And there is no empty hole
Every talks but no one
Will you?

Sophie Steiner

Tuesday, November 6, 2012


Barack Obama.


He is the 44th re-elected president of the USA.

I love it because we have to more FORWARD!


America has taken a big step in our history.

I'm glad that Mitt Romney is not president.
He has too much money:
In his convention, it is all white people.
There are no Latinos, black, etc. cheering Romney on.

Thank you, my fellow Americans.
You took a leap of faith and I love you so much for it.

I think that Obama is an inspiration.
He is the first black president.
He has given gay youth hope.
Jobs are being created.

We are going forward.
Let's be glad we aren't going back.


Monday, November 5, 2012


I have been tired.
I feel like I haven't been writing. 
I feel this big burden on my shoulders.
I feel like that every time I log in to my email, I think, "OH my blog!!"
But then I forget because I have nothing to say.
Nothing to talk about.
Does that mean that I'm an empty shell?
That's I'm boring?
I hope not because I am interesting.

There are things that get me through the day though,
3rd period when I to sot there for 50 minutes
Halloween candy
My doggy

See, there are things that get me through my day but I feel like I always resort to them and I can't find a new way to pick my self up and see the world in a different way. 
I thought you should know my burden.
Can you feel the same?

Friday, November 2, 2012

What happens on a Friday

It's Friday.
I am so glad that it is f***ing Friday.
My day.
It was interesting.

 I had a English vocab test.
A World History exam.
And last but not least,
A biology quiz.
Fun Fun Fun

The WH exam was open note, which was good because I knew all the information and I could double check my answers in my notes.
I loved it. 
But the answers were specific.
And hard to answer.
I got over it.
And boy, do I feel good!!
I feel like I actually could have done a really good job.
I like my answers and I felt confident.

My English test...
I sorta new the words but I do not have high hopes for that grade

I can not begin to tell you how happy I am about my bio test.
I studied like crazy because I knew that I knew the information.
I went in to my teacher and got help and I feel really good about it.
But, know, I feel like as soon as I say that, my grades not gonna be so good.

 I'm so glad it's Friday.
I can't wait for the weekend.