Thursday, December 13, 2012

This Girl is on Fire

I am on Fire because I am on my second day of my second round chemo.
I had the most wonderful breakfast this morning. Waffles, hash browns, sausage and eggs from Ye Olde Waffle Shoppee. It was pretty much the best.
Can't think about food. Getting nauseous. Damn nausea because half the time I'm starving and can't eat because eating makes me throw up.
(Which is did 4 times yesterday...) 
But I am doing so so sooooo much better. I am in a bigger room that has an actual window. My other, tiny, crappy, awful room had a window that showed me another beautiful, sexy, grey, concrete building. What a thrill to look at.
But I love my new room because it is big and I can walk more and I have better view of the slight hills of Chapel Hill. But there is color and more variety to look at and it is all just more pleasurable.
I need funny YouTube videos. I need to laugh. There are videos that do that but I need way more than I have.
So, I'm thinking that because I have all this time, I can learn all these things. I'm learning to knit and there are several older people at my church. Some of them know how to needlepoint and I'm thinking, 'Why not learn to needlepoint? It gives me something to do and it's needlepoint...
I do miss dancing though. Just moving my body. When I get home, (if I ever do get home...) I will slowly start to move my body because I think that's what I need. Just feeling the rush from the music and feeling it pulse through my body.
I wish that the new James Bond movie was on Netflix because I love that movie. Or at least the theme song. Or maybe it's Daniel Craig that I love... It's amazing. Judi Dench was awesome as always. Great, wonderful movie that I want to see again!!
Best video ever.

Tuesday, December 4, 2012

Just sitting

A lot can happen when you have cancer. You eat less and smells makes you nausea and you kinda go crazy after a little while.
But for some strange reason, I have been trying to find calm. I have noticed when my back hurts and I advocate for my self and ask for meds.
Sure, I don't want to be here when I'm supposed to be at home. Sure, I want to back to Switzerland. But life isn't about wishing something can happen. I have to take reins and steer my own path.
I am so lucky to be here because all the doctors and nurses are super super awesome. They want me to get better so much.
 I took a shower yesterday. I soaped off all the sweat and tiredness and everything that was bad. I put on a new pair of non-sweating pj's and so much deodorant that I felt like a different person. The pink in my hair came out but I'll put some more in later.
I've been thinking a lot about Switzerland last summer. It was really kept me going because my grandparents offered to buy me tickets to go to back next summer. I almost cried because to go to the place the I love alone with my grandparents is unbelievable.
So I advice that everyone count their blessings, find peace through breathing and enjoy life's little moments.