It is amazing being home. I was home for two weeks, then 5 days of chemo and now I am back at home :) I can not tell you how happy I am that at home because I think that the hospital just makes me depressed after a little while.
But, my weight. I was 87.5 pounds. It was scary and disgusting. I was so thin. I did not want to be 87.5 pounds. It is hard to eat, I do admit.
I found that with me, if I eat a little but every hour of something that is high calorie, I can gain some weight. And I did. 6 pounds in a week.
But the nausea is the worst. Knowing that I had to eat but every single thing makes me sick. I think its the smell and the look of food.
I love to eat and it is so hard.
Last night was a really really really sucky night. I haven't been eating much lately and thats causing the acid in my stomach to act up. So basically, I was trying to throw up but there was nothing there to vomit. Today, I made peace with saltine crackers and water.
I really want my old life back, the life that I knew. The life where I went to field hockey, stressed over school and saw friends. Because this new one sucks way more than you can ever imagine. I want to get back on the field and play. I know that this is crazy but school gives you something to do. I do have trouble finding things to do. Yes I could watch TV all day but I need to move my body.
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