Idea about Life

So what is life? Is it one opportunity not to screw up? Is it just another book, each year or day is another chapter? Is it the songs that are sung? Is it the quotes that are said and recited? Is it that one brave person to step up to the plate and take charge? 
I was biking home today and I think life, sometimes is just a math class. When you are born, you are handed a pencil, a piece of paper and a really big eraser. When you have died, you will know if you have had a good life if you eraser is gone. 
At every struggle and hardship, your math problem gets longer and you are expected to know how to solve the never ending problem. At one point, you are handed a calculator. At a good time in your life, like a graduation or a promotion, or even like a trip, you can push the simplify button and the problem gets easier. 
Life is what you make it. It's not in the hands of your best friends, stereotypes, you parents or even God. This is your life and you need to do something about it if your math problem isn't going anywhere.  


I wish I could leave Chapel Hill, just for a little while. Not a week but like 3 weeks or a month. So I can have some breathing room. I need to leave have some fresh air, some space and it needs to be somewhere where I can fly to. At least a 4 hour flight. Because there is no need for me to be here. I want to get out.


Lets see... my knee hurts. I have allergies so my nose is running. My head is pounding.
Life is better.

I have two weeks of spring break!! Well, really I only have one BUT my sisters have off the first week of April and I have the second off. I'm going to San Francisco at 6 am Sunday morning. Whoop Whoop! Guess who is physicked?!?! I AM!! So happy. Sleep.....



Song for today: Fight Club -- This is your life

What I do in my spare time

So, today I had my dance concert....

It went great with the 20 minute piece,

We all remembered it and performed it amazingly!

But then we got to the student choreographed pieces

I felt like I was being tortured

I wasn't in any of the dances and that 

Sucked

It sucked really bad

So that was hard 

I feel like I shouldn't do dance any more

If I'm not getting anywhere and all my friends are,

What should I do?

I don't want to cry

Keeping to myself is never good

But there is no one to talk to 

My friends don't offer any empathy

I don't know how to write about it

But it's OK

I can talk to my self

Now for a list of things that I do in my spare time:

1. Bop around. I like act crazy and movie to an imaginary beat. Shake my head and bend my torso
2. Drink tea. Or make someone tea. Most of the time, drinking tea.
3. Listening to someone talking. Sitting in the garden, the cool air relaxing on your shoulders, the wind swaying through our hair. The best moments to talk is when you are with some that you can trust. I have listened to my one really good friend so many times and that has made our friendship that much better
4. Listen to music. I am always listening to music. It's kinda sad.
5. Dance. Yep, that is mostly what I do. Dance.
6. Play field hockey. I love hitting the ball outside in the grass.
7. Climb trees and hide behind bushes. I love the sturdy trees and feeling that I could fall off any moment but feeling the tree on every part of my body.
8. Goof off. I tend to laugh uncontrollably. A lot. I love being with friends and laughing at sweet memories.
9. Swim at the Lake House. Or tube. Or push friends off the dock. Or race through the woods at the Lake House. Yeah, that's what I can do at the Lake House.
10. Watch movies. I have watched a lot of movies. There is nothing better than a good movie that is funny. I love all movies but like sci-fie that are thrillers or set in the future or something like that. I also don't like chick-flicks that are stereo-typicality blonds that are rich and snobby.

Song: Kelly Clarkson -- Stronger. I normally not a big fan of Kelly Clarkson but this song is great. 

Thougts

I feel like I am in always in a big room with lots of different people who are always making noise and request. I am trying to sort out my life and listen to music but people are talking and I keep having to turn my music up. My head is pounding from a headache. My heart is missing Switzerland but my mind is somewhere else and it keeps snapping back to reality and how much homework I have. Why is like always like this?
Half of my brain is like, “OH look! Sunshine! Climb a tree barefoot and dance in the dew covered grass. Go on a walk in the cool woods. Go outside and have fun.”
But the other half of me is like, “You have to be inside, bullying your brain and working on things that are due on Monday. You can’t afford to go outside and have fun!”
Which one should I do? Blow off the great day and do even more homework or experience life the way that it should be done, barefoot and young. Because at this moment, I am getting mixed messages.
 
 Why do parents want you to do homework all the time? Why do they nag you when you are taking a 5 minute break because you have been doing homework for the last hour and a half? Why do they get mad and raise their voice when you are trying to tell them something and then get even more mad when you try to say something? Do they miss having lots of homework and late nights? Because when I’m a parent, I know that I wouldn’t. Would you like to do my homework? Because you are more than welcome to. I couldn’t care less.
I feel like they miss it, honestly. I know what I need to do and I don’t want my parents breathing down my neck. 

Song for today: Ben E. King -- Stand By Me

The things that I miss

There are the little things. The little things are what I miss. They are the things that you don’t really think about when you are there but when you are “home” you really miss them. 
I am half Swiss and there are the little things that I miss from Thun.
My grandmother made mint tea from the mint leaves in her garden. I pull the leaves from the pot outside the door, wash it and put it in a little net thing. I pour the hot water over it and there you go. Mint tea. But no matter what I do here in the States, the mint tea in Switzerland is always better.
The fresh rolls and bread that my grandfather gets at 6:30 in the morning. They smell amazing and there is always fresh orange juice and coffee on the table. There is small plate, normally white, that has the butter in it.
The hot chocolate. It’s creamy and there is always a box of cocoa mix in the cabinet. My grandmother always puts lots of milk and cream in it but there still is a lot of the thick chocolate taste.
The dish detergent that smells so much like her. And after dinner, the kitchen always smells like it because they don’t have a dish washer.
The pink flower tea set that has green leaves. They are kept on the top shelf near where the sink is but it is near the corner. We always have tea after dinner and when we are eating dessert. Sometimes, my grandparents drink their espresso and my sister and I drink mint tea. It's relaxing to sit on the green lawn, looking over the mountains that loom over Thun.
The smell of apricot pie that fills the house when she puts the pie in the oven. There is cinnamon and sugar that is sprinkled over the fresh apricots. It sweet and tart, and the apricot juice seeps out onto your plate.
The escalator that you ride on when you are in the Migro. Then, when you get on the top, there is the chocolate cart that has the best chocolate. My absolute favorite chocolate is the one with the rice crispies on the bottom. Or the hazelnuts. Both are amazing. Also in the Migro, there are decorations everywhere as August 1st approaches. The red and white flags are in line with the firecrackers and the sparklers.
I don't know why I remember the little things about Switzerland. The cool air after it rains. The sun sets and the sun rises over the mountain. The cool forests. Why do I first go there and not to the the big tourist destinations, like Interlaken? Or when I do think of them, it's of the flower boxes and the simple, tiny and elegant churches?
I miss Switzerland and I can not wait until I go back this summer. To the Aare, the swans and the Ferris Wheel.


The song for today: Amy McDonald -- This is the Life

Amazing things

This list is of things that I find either crazy or amazing. Or both.

1. Madonna. She is still going, even at 53! I don't why but she stills looks good.
2. Spaghetti is one of the few dinners that you can make in 15 minutes and it tastes so goooood. Toss a salad and toast some bread and you have a great supper.
3. Undercover Brother....Solid! He's just avoiding a car crash. Yeah mon.
4. I love a good movie. You can't beat a Saturday night, in pajamas, watching a romantic comedy,  a classic or a laugh-until-your-crying-and-clutching-your-stomach movie.
5. Flower bouquets can be simple but so beautiful. They take you form the moment and they charm your room. The simple combination of spring flowers in a sunny room on a Saturday morning.  I love cutting the flowers and putting them in a vase.
6. Hiking a mountain and seeing the view from the top. The sea-green of the trees under a bright blue sky. There might even be some violet tucked into the hills. 
7. My friend Katie. She walks with me and I have so many great memories of me and her racing through trees and wading through creeks, our hair pulled back in a loose hair-tie or a bandana. 
8. H&M. They have great clothes for really cheap and they are in every shopping mall and in every town in Switzerland. 
9. Fields of flowers. There is a field behind my friends house that we used to go play in. There are electricity towers and rolling yellow grass. The are multicolored flowers and with pebbled rocks.
10. Sophia Grace and Rosie. They are too cute. I sometimes can't handle how cute they are. I love them so much!!!!

Red Zinger, bar mitvahs and John Mayer

Drinking Red Zinger Tea, thinking about my friends bar mitvah on Saturday and listening to songs that I really like but havn't listened to in a while.
I have things to make up and shows to watch. My re-submittion pile is slowing piling up. I have DE's on things and my Expo board is not complete yet/
But I learned that it'll all be ok. I have 4 days...CRAP!! I have 4 days to complete my lab and my board.
Just kidding.
Foget that last comment.
I have four days, FOUR, 4, days to complete two huge things.
Ok, now I am starting to freak out.

But super phsyched that I am going to my friends bar mitvah on Saturday. It's going to so much fun... I think/hope. I mean, it's Sam and you kinda have to know him but he is just, well Sam. He is funny and somehow, I am really proud of him.
I am proud of him and my dad and his dad went to kindergarten together. I have known his my entire life and I remeber him as being this kid who would rather go tubing than put on some decent clothes. He is loud, outgoing and so very funny and I am proud of Sam.

Song: Kelly Clarkson -- Stronger
I am not a big fan of her but I love love love this song!

Amendment One

Amendment One is a nut shell says that gay people can't not get married and they can share a life together.
I think that if you have, or had, a beating heart, you are a human. Humans love other humans and you are denying love. I just don't understand why sex slaves have not been banned yet and love is banned.
Ask, no demand, that your parents vote against Amendment One on May 8th. For any one at my school, I can get yard signs against Amendment One and I can give them to you. For free. See how cheap and easy change is? It is a yard sign. I might even be able to get a couple t-shirts.
Please, you are not just doing this for the gay adults now, you are doing this for the our gay generation and for generations to come. So that teens don't have to live in fear and then be denied what everyone else gets.
So May 8th. Vote for equal marriages.
So the song today -- tonight -- is a speech made by a teen who has lesbian parents:Zach Wahls speaks about family
Thanks and vote!!

Sisterly love

I have two sisters, Elsa and Bella that are the two funniest people on the planet. There is little to no dull moment at the Steiner household, whether there is loud music or a funny movie. 

So over the years, I have learned things. Things to avoid and how to avoid them. Here is a shortened list....

1. No matter how cute other boys are, 2PM will always be cuter. There is no question. Sorry.
2. When you are in the car, or any where, you have to listened to music loudly and you have to sing on the top of your lungs.
3. Mamma Mia. You can only watch that movie with the song lyric subtitles on and the volume blaring. 
4. When you are sent to empty the dishwasher, unload the silver wear because that means that you spend lots and lots of time putting away the knifes and the other things that don't do in to the drawer
5. When you see a cute raincoat, or anything cute, telling my mom that I need new rain gear is the key. My mom loves to have her kids had the right gear. It's been great
6. When the parental carbon units have had a long day, the best responds to anything that they ask is, "Yes, I'll do that." Then the parental units will be less aggravated and that makes life just a bit better.
7. Music must always be blaring when you are cleaning the kitchen after dinner. It has got to be something loud and invigorating and hip. K-Pop and Shakira or The Clash. Something loud.
8. Don't say 'Walk' around the dog, Juno. You will then find yourself on a forced 15 minute walk. Good times, good times
9. Rolling around on the ground laughing at a funny movie will most likely result in you getting tickled.
10. Never interrupt Elsa when she is watching a Korean Drama. Never a great idea because she is too preoccupied in how the characters are so much love each other but NO there is the evil mother blah blah blah

My sisters have taught me things that I um never really thought of.

Just Songs

I went on a song frenzie.
Hawk Nelson -- I Stil Miss You
James Morrison -- I won't let you go
Mat Kearney -- Dancing in the Dark
Parachute -- Forever and Always
Amy McDonald -- This is the Life
Damian Rice -- 9 Crimes
James Blunt -- You're Beautiful 
Katie Melua -- Just like heaven

German

German lunch today! It was at Church and it was so much fun. We made German noodles, bratwurst, bretzels  and lots of laughs. The laughs were mostly from the youth because you kinda have to know us. We are going to NYC for a missions trip this summer to do services at homeless shelters and food banks. Last year, 14 high scholars went to Germany, hence the German lunch, and Italy. The mission trips are only for rising 9th graders and high scholars.
I think that Christianity, people think that everybody who is Christian is conservative and it is "uncool" to be Christian. That you have to be a die hard Christian to be a Christian.
But I will be the first to tell you that that is not always true. I am a Christian but I am not a die hard Christian. I am in support of gay people.  I am not a conservative Christian and I don't judge people for who they are.
Song for today:John Mayer and Ellen sing Just Dance!!

Hockey

Hockey, field hockey actually. I love it so much, the pressure that you are under and how you can smack the ball so hard.

People tell me not to swing the stick. I'm sorry. Honestly, I am but I'm used to having to really push pass the ball and not just flick it. 

I hit people in the shins and I am so sorry. I know what it feels like. Actually, I do not what it feels like and I have been hit with a harder ball in a lot more places. I am really sorry for hitting you.

Enough with that. 

A great book that I just finished : The Patron Saints of Butterflies. It is about these two girls, 13 or 14, that live in a Christian commune. Honey is crazy and spunky but Agnes is the more laid back and religious one so when they are faced with these different challenges, there is a struggle. It is a great book, do not hold back if you are not a Christian!

Going to Switzerland this summer!! So excited to see my family and friends that are there and to spend a great deal of time eating the bakery goods.

Song: John Mayer -- Shadow Days. This song, for me, is coming out of your shadow and really experiencing life the way that it should. It will take time but there is hope. You are here now and that's all that counts.

Sorry, this is a really short post. But you know, life is short. East dessert first.